Sunday, November 20, 2011

How do you describe a world you thought existed only in history books… a country you didn’t think your eyes would ever really see….a people you never thought you would touch, hug…and even teach of Christ.

We flew from Nairobi in a WWII looking tiny airplane by AIM missionaries across thousands of miles of bushland and plateau looking mountains amidst the virtually unknown expanse.  We embarked in Juba to switch planes and to pay 100$ for a visa and stamped passport into the newest country of the world (Independence July 9th, 2011) – South Sudan. Finally after days of travel, we landed in Lietnom.  Immediately, I could not control the tears for there as we landed was an entire tribe singing and celebrating our arrival – some holding crosses that many missionaries before had invested their lives to make known to them.  After the surreal greeting under the hot 4:00pm sun, we were taken to a compound…composed of a grass fence, a working well, and a rarety…an actual primitive building among the touckles (huts).  Rice and beans were offered to us along with fish with the head and eyes looking at us…I thought it was all delicious!  Water was brought in for us from nearby towns, and mosquito nets were above our simple beds covered with a sheet and small pillow…we were in the nicest of hotels…outhouse toilet, no running water, and electricity only sparcely in some rooms when the generator was run. 

The first morning I was awakened early…there’s usually a drum beat coming from somewhere and maybe a rooster.  Cows are seen as the most important thing alive to this culture – it gives milk, manuer for planting, meat for celebration, and most importantly, doury for their many wives which would afford them many children – many of whom die early.  Michelle came to my room and said, “they came to us and are expecting someone to come and speak to the Catholic church…like YOU.”  I said I’d be happy to as long as I could spend some time to pray.  Simon (those that are Christians have English names – usually Biblical names) came with a motor-cycle (extreme rarety and took me to a church service of hundreds of people under a large tree.  It was precious…I got to tell the people the Truth of the Word and taught them motions…It was an amazing experience that I will never forget.  On the way back, while passing National Geographic sites everywhere I looked (kids playing with a babboon on a chain, touckles, children with beads, sticks like spears carried as normal, bush country, etc.) Simon took me back telling me of the disarmment of all of S. Sudan and laughing at everything…even what was serious with the joy of those who have been freed by Christ and knew it.  I’m SO thankful for these people.  I came back and we spent the rest of the evening with the people…When I walk out of the compound I’m surrounded by all the children and teens and the women….babies are taken care of by their older (meaning by 1or 2 years) siblings…I LOVE IT HERE!  They are precious….they all just want to shake your hand and hear me say, “Chibak!” (Yes, I turn the handshake into a hug!) They LOVE singing and dancing…but there are many different sounds than we know – like shrill sounds to augment the chant/ singing with incredible words (what’s translated)….it’s all so pure.  I feel so honored to be with them and I’m extremely anxious to drink in all of the culture that I can while here!  I genuinely am moved to be with these people.

Monday, November 22, 2011

I’m SO excited to be in this place….I can’t believe I have this opportunity.  Today the conference began and so we got an actual room (meaning there was a building) and an old fashioned chalkboard…What a treat!  Others had to meet under a tree.  The women were gathered and as I walked in I began to tear up…I was really getting the opportunity to these women who had never been able to read the Bible or even had a Bible to read? Dressed in their nicest clothing…as if someone had given them the goods of a thrift store (USAid and others)- fashioned along with tribal parts of their clothing, they sat in plastic chairs that they use for every gathering – moving them from place to place.  They gather in circles of people unless in a big group.  The men hold hands and so do the women…they are SO loving and have all the time in the world for you though they have to do everything by hand and, the women, for their families – sometimes 10 kids or so!  Language…if they can write it in the sand (few paper or pens

I realized through the 1st session that they understand even less than I thought.  They were so attentive, but I began to think, “If they don’t have a Bible or even know how to read – AND when they do, they only have the New Testament and maybe Psalm and Proverbs… they wouldn’t know the richness of the gospel, about Israel, about the Lamb of God, about the fullness of Christ’s sacrifice!”  SO, I scrapped the freedom talk that I had prepared and went from the before time began to the Crucifixion of the Lamb of God.  I used them to act out how God made us with intellect, emotion, and will…All of it was clear and they stayed with me.  I always fear afterwards if I made it clear or not, but this time I was told by the supportive team that it was very understandable – I fear I might have shared some details that did not compute, but I’ll leave that in the Lord’s hands.  I then got to go down a path and into an area where some women and children let me visit their touckle.  We all ate rice and beans and pumpkin which all of us ranted and raved about.  I am amazed at how much the hot sun takes out of you.  There’s no electricity except when the generator is on at night, no running water anywhere, and beauty everywhere you look….just of another kind.  These precious souls don’t know what they are living without….and I wonder if they really are living without much – in many ways they have what money (or cows) can’t buy.

The key to our room looked like one from a movie, some random man came up and pried my fingers off my suitcase to try to put it in the car for me….with everyone standing around.  That was unique.  Customs took forever, and there was a T.V. playing that there was rebels in South Sudan…It was a quickly passing little note at the bottom of the screen, GOD’s got his hand under and all OVER us….Oh, and they are starting to build gated communities here…that was a new thing.  AND, they also have weightloss shows!:)  I just wanted to be honest about the rebels….BUT, please know…SOUTH SUDAN is huge…the chances of them coming to little Sudan is very little.  Better STUDY now..  

Everyone’s exhausted, myself included, but this is my last chance with study and internet and a printer.  Please pray that I finish all that I need to tonight. We’re leaving at 6:30 AM for the next AIM flight in a charter plane to Lietnom, SUDAN.  I love this team.  Praising the LORD already….I just met a man who became a Christian in 1982…I SO wish he could have continued his story.  I’m IN AFRICA…another dream become reality.  I can’t believe it.  I can’t wait to speak to these women.  I have no idea what I will be able to write tomorrow, but I know it will be about things I have never seen with my own eyes.   In His Love, Amy

JUNE 2011:  PRAYER REQUESTS

*TOURS: Wisdom for the next week and 3 days as I prepare to leave and continue to work on the details of three upcoming tours. Europe, Africa, & Hawaii (God led “no”to CA tour for 2011)

*AFRICA: 3 days ago God made it clear to me that I was to move on the invite to Africa for Sept. 15th time frame.  I’m amazed and shocked – I really didn’t expect to be able to go this year.  I’ve been speaking to authorities over me and they all are behind me continuing forward.  I’m asking you all to pray and let me know anything God shows you as well!

*Clint and I are praying as to God’s leading and His freedom to move as He would have us in our relationship…I have such peace and am learning to trust the LORD anew!

*Wisdom in who should be placed in positions needing to be filled within MFM: Media (Video), Finances (CPA), Social Networking, Communications, Details within website and promotional needs (Epic Life Creative?).

PRAISES:

*House is finished…this has been a project lasting since Jan 2010 – HUGE!!  Celebrating!

*Epic Life Creative has offered an amazing way to free me from things that I’ve been encumbered by for 5 years, and now feel that God’s provided for me to stand on the platform and move forward.

*Clint and I are about to celebrate our “10-month-versary.”  Is it supposed to be this fun?

*I’m going to go ahead and praise Him for the finances He will be bringing for these tours that I believe He’s led me to walk forward in.

*The year is full of ministry….Planned so that I can then prepare with a more focused amount of time.

*Witnessing opportunities – SO FUN!!  I literally have people who are calling me who I’ve invited to church or talked to about the LORD.  ALSO, the ANTIOCH CHURCH PLANT is beginning & I feel strongly that God’s leading me in that direction!

*He’s provided new opportunities of ministry – Fellowship Bible Church has asked me to come on as a volunteer teacher of a consistent study on Monday nights for about 60-80 women.  I’ll be co-teaching which will allow the time I’ll need for touring speaking and singing w/ MFM.

*He really worked in my heart and reminded me what it meant to “run away with Jesus” again at a conference in Orlando Florida called NEXT that I was blessed to go to and be fed and challenged through two weeks ago.

I can’t over-express the power of prayers prayed in faith believing God to do what He has promised to do!

Want to see some things that He’s already answering?  PRAYERS FROM MAY 2011

* EUROPE TOUR – SUMMER….starting in Slovenia with a rare opportunity to go with my home church, then to surrounding countries till mid-Aug. most likely (STILL IN PROCESS)

*AFRICA (Nigeria and other places) has requested that I come this year and want me to put together a budget…I really just want to know if this is God’s leading…We’ve been hoping for it for about 3 years now.

*CALIFORNIA – October – Praying, but feeling that maybe this is the time that God would have me go to California on tour- there have been several who have mentioned it..

*HAWAII – November.  I’ve been asked to come back and lead the worship for the PWOC Regional Conference Nov. 2-4…and then others are booking me around those dates.

*NEXT YEAR….On my heart has been a desire to do a much different tour here in the states. More to come….as God leads.

*I feel as if God’s laying on my heart that it’s now time…He wants to build on the foundation He’s been building these past 5 years.  I started touring in March 2006 – I am watching His power work in a new way and sense that my speaking and even perspectives have changed immensely…I feel that I’m on the brink of something more…not less…and NEW involving speaking (becoming more defined), singing, encouraging the leaders and missionaries, and challenging the majority of believers who really don’t know where to begin in following (or feel they don’t)…and those who are hungry for more of Him or need to be!  I will always love sharing the gospel anywhere God allows me to go.

* That I will be humbled and broken before Him.  Pray that God will continue to lead Clint in how to lead our relationship and both of us in HIS direction for us.  Pray that my eyes and heart and thoughts will be focused on Him.

* Pray that I can memorize James and Ephesians if it’s His will by the end of this year if not before – even with the touring.

* New CHURCH Opportunity here at home:  My home church is deep in the Word and incredible at reaching out.  The extreme talent and Biblical knowledge and ability to expound on those two things are astounding…literally, Jason Ingram is one of our worship directors, Christy Knockles used to be….and the former President of Moody Bible Institute (Michael Easley) is our teaching pastor along with other extremely gifted elders who lead alongside.  They have just announced that they will be starting a church plant which will be located literally in the “back yard” of my current home that God provided.  Last night I went to the first pioneering meeting….In just one school next to me there are 80 nationalities represented.  It’s a mission field that is barely reached…the world has come to us.  I’m praying and really don’t see myself not being a part of this church plant.  Prayer last night was incredible.  I can’t wait to pray and seek alongside these fervent believers…and to love and break past any boundaries to reach those who are dying without him in my own grocery stores, streets, and community – AHH!!  I’m getting so excited!!

* TEACHING EXPANDING: To my knowledge, I had never met the women’s director at Fellowship Bible Church (1000′s of people will cause that to happen) mostly due to the fact that I was very involved instead in the Young Adults department called Inversion. But, she requested a meeting with me and then FLOORED me when she said that my name had been brought to her and I had been on her heart….She asked me to come on as a non-paid volunteer Teacher for about 60-80 women for the Fall and Spring season every Monday night.  It would be a co-teacher set up which would allow me to still tour and then when I was in town to do so.  I would then be a part of the leadership team and it wouldn’t at all be hindered if I did become a part of the Antioch church plant.  I have nothing but peace in my heart…it’s humbling to be asked to do such a thing.  I really believe that this is how God is choosing to refine me for this season.  It will be added to the touring, but hopefully add to the depth of study as well.  I’m humbled and even cried when she asked me.  I’m still praying and haven’t finalized my answer, but….I’m writing you, therefore you get where I’m feeling led as of right now!

* Website is new and running MEANT FOR MORE – Pray for help in organizing, social networking, & putting into action what needs to be done in order for the most excellent dictating of what God’s doing while away and at home.  Pray for organization that I may focus solely on the Word and on those who need Him…ALL people He puts in my path.

UPCOMING POSSIBILITIES/ TOURS

* JUNE – AUGUST:  EUROPE TOUR – SUMMER….starting in Slovenia with a rare opportunity to go with my home church, then to surrounding countries till mid-Aug. most likely (STILL IN PROCESS)

*SEPT.?? OCT.?:   AFRICA (Nigeria and other places) has requested that I come this year and want me to put together a budget…I really just want to know if this is God’s leading…We’ve been hoping for it for about 3 years now.

*OCTOBER:  CALIFORNIA – October – Praying, but feeling that maybe this is the time that God would have me go to California on tour- there have been several who have mentioned it. I would need to go through California on my way to Hawaii.

*NOVEMBER:  HAWAII – November.  I’ve been asked to come back and lead the worship for the PWOC Regional Conference Nov. 2-4…and then others are booking me around those dates.

*NEXT YEAR.…On my heart has been a desire to do a much different tour here in the states. More to come….as God leads.  I want to go to churches and bases here on our soil.  Please pray for me to know where to look and how to plan.  I’m wondering if God is opening the doors for me to go beyond what I have thus far standing on the platform of what He’s been doing this last 5 years all around the world…and in me.

I feel as if God’s laying on my heart that it’s now time…He wants to build on the foundation He’s been building these past 5 years.  I started touring in March 2006 – I am watching His power work in a new way and sense that my speaking and even perspectives have changed immensely…I feel that I’m on the brink of something more…not less…and NEW involving speaking (becoming more defined), singing, encouraging the leaders and missionaries, and challenging the majority of believers who really don’t know where to begin in following (or feel they don’t)…and those who are hungry for more of Him or need to be!  I will always love sharing the gospel anywhere God allows me to go.

EXTRA DETAILS

* PRAY:  That I will be humbled and broken before Him.  Pray that God will continue to lead Clint in how to lead our relationship and both of us in HIS direction for us.  Pray that my eyes, heart, and thoughts will be focused on Him.

* GOALS:  Pray that I can memorize James and Ephesians if it’s His will by the end of this year if not before – even with the touring.

A summons by the very voice of God thrills the fiber of my desires like a fresh wind moving past the strings of entire orchestra’s instruments…and then to think of hearing it, I can only picture Him the movement within me as if that same orchestra was playing masterpiece within my own body!   As if music has never moved me before, I find myself gripped with the question of where the seat of my desires really lie.  If I were to have the choice of what I heard God say, what would I want to hear?  Would I want answers of direction or provision?  Have I even delved into the wake of His presence enough to want the HIM that I don’t know to crash not only ON the shores of my norm but to devastate them?  I believe, as in I am a believer.  But, do I believe that God is who He has even used words to describe to me in His Word? Is my longing satisfied…do I convince myself I know what would satisfy me of Him?  Do I want to see, hear, know more than what I can envision…or do I just want whatever of Him is enough to push my life onward?  Is there an onward noted in the word, BELIEVER?  Is there anything greater than being unable to move in His presence…only able to worship?

LORD, stop us from unraveling what you’ve been weaving in our thinking since before Creation and which you continue to begin weaving every time we make a mess of Your drawing us to Yourself.  Let us no longer try to reason away this longing for more of You alone.  Let us not settle for praying for answers when we could be asking to see and know more of You!  Forgive us for thinking that we need any other answer than we need to know more of who you are!  I cannot fathom how much that must grieve your heart…Let us ignore your summons no longer…You deserve our all including our attention.  More accurately, who You are (if You were scarcely glimpsed as You are even through faith) would necessitate our ever attention.

“My “Rights” Have Done Me Wrong: Finding the Plumb-line of Truth in our search for freedom.  5/18/11

LORD, let my heart be willing to change is not the prayer I’m praying today.  I’m praying that I won’t try to change me today because I’m done searching in that barrel for some hope of completion.  Let me not believe that change ever starts with just my ideas and a feeling of newness in me. All through history and through the Word we find that truly change be more than a word used to rally my emotions.  I will usher in change as I become more aligned to the TRUTH.  In order to move anywhere close to forward, I must relinquish what’s holding me back…which most frequently are those ball and chains I feel I deserve…my rights.  Jesus, I pray that I will see you as the plumb-line for me rather than the rope that I can hold on to because my grip is distracted at worse and at most strengthened only by my puffed-up resolve.  Let me trust TRUTH.  Let me want TRUTH even if it’s heat will evaporate the contaminated intake of my “so-called-rights” of which I am convinced must be kept at all costs.  Today, as if all my thoughts were written down and then “TRUTH:” was written afterwards who You are engraved by Your power on the stone of my self-focused heart.  The life-giving response to my self-defined “what sounds right to me response to what is happening(either caused by others or self-imposed)” is an antibacterial ointment to strengthen the antibodies of praise that I may be freed from the mercer-type infection leading to my own destruction yet seemingly unseen by my own estimation of the purity of my heart.  Heal my fears and my self-pride leading to my own destruction!  You mean for me to know peace and freedom….is that what, at this moment, I’m living in (regardless of what others are doing concerning me or what my “happenings” are)?  Let me truly be willing to grasp for the freedom, therefore, that you died so that I could live enveloped in and spured forward by.  Father, I’m naked before you….I’m restrained by nothing towards my own destruction…Held from it only by your warrior love and gale-force grace.   TRUTH will set me free….

My destruction is not threatened by large sins for those I can choose to see and run from…it’s those small relinquishments of peace, of joy, of trust, of acting distracted from what I know to do – refusing to follow you in any step you lead me in that will lead to not only to the realization of my depravity…but to my very own unravelling.  Undetected, I will soon find myself no more able to feel the love He longs for me to know than I am to be tied into a bow of beauty to display His glory.  My demise or rise hinges on my willingness to align to His Truth.  I’m learning that no illusive “right” is worth holding onto.  Rights persuade me to push away from others till I get what I deserve from them.  Rights coerce me into believing that my own accomplishments and even moving forward…that who I am and am being is controlled and dictated by what others do or don’t do instead of seeing myself accountable alone before God.  The sells me the placebo of rights and I buy the worthless lies convinced that they will be the motivation to fulfill the dreams that I haven’t yet pursued and therefore never yet attained.  How free I would be if I trusted that rights were only figments of the world’s imagination – nothing worth my wasting my life to fight for.  I must, instead fight for FREEDOM.  Only TRUTH will really stand once this hurricane war ends.   ABC’s last show is not what will give me my foundation, but rather leaves me malnutritioned in it’s lessons.  Everything we hear will be the fad and last about as long as ABC’s last show.  Reality is only glanced at and missed among the glittering vendors along life’s road.  It’s as if I’m looking up and watching an eagle soar above me while everyone else is preoccupied with the caos of today just like they were yesterday…the awe of that sight only pales in the beauty comparison of what me realizing this truth will do to effect me. Only one right remains when I see Truth….I have a right to be separated in Hell from the One who is reaching out that I may see of Him what won’t kill me because He protects me from His rightful judgement  and devastating holiness.  Risen SON…As if I’m watching the sun rise for the first time….Please grip me at the seat of my affections and attention.        

Longtime friends at the Wedding of my friend Jenna & Aaron HORN!

Joy, Mandy, & Charlotte..sisters for life!

1. RECONNECT:  I get to reconnect with all those long-time home relationships of friends who have so faithfully supported and loved me through so much….and connect with all those whom I love around the world (yes, YOU!).  Just this week I had 3 out-of-town visitors who work with and support MFM.  (Nic & Nicole Norton & Sarah Gorsuch).  I found out yesterday my sister was planning on coming, but I’m heading to a conference in Orlando with Clint (NEXT conference) and wouldn’t be here. Jonathan my brother is arriving in only a couple of hours!  Another Chinese translator that became a believer was hoping to come…there are others as well.  Bring on the Bed and Breakfast!  Love it! Also, I’m getting more time with Clint Fields…as we pray and enjoy celebrating 10 months of dating (with him supporting me in and out of country) and pray for God’s direction with trust, surrender, and excitement.

Sarah & I: Precious, Inspiring Weekend!

Nic & Nicole come to Visit!

Charlotte's Birthday Camping Party

Lovin my Roommates! (Mary Margaret is missin in the pic - 5 total!)

Kelly, Nate, and Juliet!

2. MINISTRY @ Nashville: Continuing ministry here…Realizing that gathering the body, and following the Spirit to witness and serve/ speak into other’s lives is just as crucial here.  It’s been INCREDIBLE watching God work in lives…

"Lovin the Body" Party 5.11.11

3. EXCELLENCE: I get to revamp, create, and re-create some of the Administrative details that seem to stay on the back-burner when I’m on tour. (i.e. website, blogging, contacts, organizational restructuring to make it more efficient so that more time can be given to people.)

4. STUDY:  I am taking opportunity to “build my reservoir” by studying even the Greek and Hebrew on different verses, using the commentaries that I can’t take on tour, and delving into more in-depth study of passages and topics that touring doesn’t allow the means/time for.

5. RECHARGE: Time to rest, pray, and go after dreams and goals that I otherwise wouldn’t have time to…learning how to listen and be led by His Spirit.  Pray that I spend all the time needed in this…I tend to neglect and forego this at times due to an overwhelming efforts to learn to love others better.

LES MISERABLES: Surprise from Clint!!

7. PRAYER to praise & thanking Him for what He has done, Asking Him to work in me that I might be more like Him and be worked through much more powerfully for His glory…. Praying for future DIRECTION and vision of where He’s leading.

NOTE:  Somehow, life has done anything BUT slow down here in Nashville.  It’s a different busy…a busy that has more to do with Amy than where others need Amy to be/do.  I’m learning that my makeup will lean toward doing as much activity as can be fit into a schedule.  I’ve got a certain amount of hours to meet with people and then to study…I’m feeling the press of a tour about to begin…Lord, continue your preparation in me till the last moment I’m here!!   I want to be fully ready for all that You have in store! God has been teaching me priorities, trust in Him, how to follow His voice without succumbing to my agenda, and the need for rest…still.  (Does this lesson continue all of life?:)  He knows who to pour His grace upon, doesn’t He?

Hawaii Spring Tour encompassed EASTER!  The celebration hasn’t ended!  Paradise– Jesus spoke to the thief on the cross and told him that he would that day be in paradise.As I worshipped and served our Risen Savior this year in beautiful Hawaii-  I felt like I was in an earthly paradise. However even this magnificent beauty pales in comparison to experiencing the joys of learning to walk in step with God’s abounding presence and to touch lives with the aroma of Christ!  Jesus’s LIFE is the reason I write this letter – I hope with all my heart that it finds you experiencing new freedom and blessings in and through Him as we continue to celebrate the Risen Christ!

Kailua Women's Retreat Spring 2011

MEANT FOR MORE HAWAII SPRING TOUR 2011 UPDATE:  I landed in Honolulu on the sun-kissed island on Oahu on April 5th to begin a three week speaking and singing tour, and just returned yesterday April 27th.   I was first invited to speak at a retreat for my parents church (KCC), and decided to wait for the unveiling of why God had laid on my heart to be there for 3 weeks!  Quickly dates for ministry began to fall into place – FAITHFUL is His name!   It also turned out to be a treasured time staying with my parents,  currently stationed with the Navy on Oahu, and a great time of connecting (and even reconnecting) with friends from past conferences in Europe & mainland U.S.  Also, during part of the last 10 days I was joined by my eager-to-serve and joy to my life boyfriend Clint Fields AND a surprise visit from Jonathan my brother (I hadn’t seen him for almost 1 1/2 years since his tour in Afghanistan as a Navy Chaplain!

People came to Christ…Christians were gripped with Truth…Stories abound of His working power…Here’s just a few! :A young woman made a last minute decision to attend one day of the three day conference, to the delight of many. Precious and convicting are the best words I can use to describe her testimony accompanied with overflowing tears.  With brightened eyes she boldly shared her new testimony with the crowd.  She had never known or experienced until that night what it meant to come to know Christ.

Another individual asked to meet with me.    Frustration and a joy-vacancy seemed to peek out from her demeanor. As we talked, I realized that she was highly intelligent & highly educated in her Bible knowledge…she had knowledge of the HOPE of Salvation but she (by her own admission) had never seen Christ look at her with love from the cross…That day she prayed trusting Him for a paradigm shift in her thinking… Acknowledging God’s grace,“To know and love HIM” was now her purpose.  No longer would doubt due to her high expectations of her self  hold her back. She literally yelled through tears that day… “FREEDOM!!”

Hickam PWOC

One military wife and mother came up weeping telling me that she wanted to know Christ more…that, though she had been seeking, what I had spoke on was what she needed to hear.  The power of God was evident as there was no fear or embarrassment in her flowing tears…only determination and insatiable desire as she had been challenged to seek after the knowledge and working power of the Character of God more.

….To tell of all of the women who came up weeping…all of the people who shared with me their stories afterwards…to explain the drastic growth changes in those who I had the priviledge of being reconnected with after speaking years ago at other conferences….TO SHARE of all the power of God at work even during the engagements…is too much for this letter.

I learned personally as well…learned I had stopped sharing about who I am and my journey with God, in order to allow all time for teaching the Word.  It was soon brought to my attention that I had not shared enough about myself to properly connect with the audience.  Pray that I will follow Christ’s example to find the proper balance.  (John 17:1) In speaking I must present myself enough that people can identify with me, but not so much that it detracts from the message of Christ.

***Relationships under the loving care of our God always have the potential to go deeper -even within our families – God is amazing!  

I’m continuing to learn how to study…and to allot the time, prayer, praise and worship from my heart needed to proceed …that I may be purified enough to reflect Him.  I long to be a humbled outlet for His power to flow through me, that His glory may be realized by more than my one life could ever touch…It’s not about me…(I Cor. 1:27-31; 2:23:9)

Thank you to all of you who had a part in pleading with the LORD on behalf of these precious people…You’ve  touched many more than I can introduce to you in this recap!  Thank you also for continuing your prayers and support for me….It seems thatspiritual warfare is more noticeable than I have understood it to be,  except when I was underground in China or in Australia.  Before one of the most powerful sessions of the first retreat I literally had a splitting headache, was rested yet felt drugged with tiredness, had thoughts and almost was convinced of never wanting to speak again– TOTALLY not from the LORD!  I was thankful to be able to see through the lies, but it wasn’t easy and I was refreshed only in His comfort….which I believe was made more tangible through your prayers!  I spoke boldly  that night in a strength unwarranted by anything but His power and grace moving through me. That night was the night in a congregation of the assumed “saved,” a precious soul came to know Him!  

I pray that this update of the Meant for More tour in Hawaii during Easter celebrations (continuing) has brought to you as much blessing as it has to me.  I’m SO excited! May He be praised louder…deeper…May all that is within me…praise His Holy Name…I’m gripped with the fact that my praise and rejoicing need not be anything less  than when Mary had “just seen Jesus”…I can find no reason for anything but this “faith-sight” response.

HE’s NOT DEAD….nor are we any longer confined to be!

With His Love, Amy

*What others do or don’t do (when I think that they should) – no matter how close they are to me – doesn’t have to paralyze or stunt my growth or ability to move forward.  It really doesn’t matter what they do (I have no excuse to take control nor do I have the excuse to wait on taking action as I should till they do).  It matters how I respond.  ONLY respond.  I don’t need to hold back on making my decisions in order to love them and wait on them to figure it out.  I’m not advocating bull-dozing others when they need our support and we want to just “do our own thing.” I’m saying that they need us to be us in order for us to be the iron that sharpens them.  I need to be fully who God designed and has called me to be or “leaning” on each other will topple one of us.  Frequently we assume others to be something they are not due to the fact that we haven’t allowed them the opportunity to react to us in the environment of our fullest potential.  It’s not fair to them to be waiting on them to make a decision or to do what we know they are wanting to but haven’t made happen yet.  It’s not “standing up for my rights” or playing games at all…it’s being free to be me while letting God teach me to love in ways that He’s designed me to!  NOTE:  Even in marriage…we are made to be fully who we are…and yet be willing to sacrifice ourselves (“in humility consider others better than yourselves..” – Phil.2:3)  in order that we may love the other as a picture of Christ and his beloved church.  I’ve never seen a marriage that is healthy when one person in it is more concerned at the others actions or lack thereof to the neglect of their own standard of who they really want to be themselves. IN THAT FREEDOM of both not being held back by the other (true, there are decisions that affect others but they don’t have to affect the way we react…we’re still responsible for that), we find the beautiful bud of friendship that springs up more rooted and beautiful with each passing day…building on the “strength upon strength” of each other sometimes in ways we didn’t even know we had!

*Loving is not holding back from being honest.  Honesty doesn’t mean pointing out what untruth, lack of, or irritation we see in each other as an insurgent opening fire on an un-expecting soul.  Rarely does anything but bloodshed come from those encounters.  We could see what causes us grief in others better in a mirror than by beaming our attention on them – that’s why we’d rather look at them.  We’d rather war against than something that needs to be cleansed in us.  Honesty that I’m talking about is edifying but difficult because vulnerability is a pre-requisite willingness.  Honesty is instead letting the other in on how we really are…what we really would rather…what we’re really hoping, thinking, dreaming, and planning.  HOW?  In order to communicate the most lovingly, we must pray with intensity and the realization that we’re prone to evil…asking that our heart and motives be made right and that we may be humbled before Him to see ourselves and those whom we know through His eyes.  We must make sure that He’s leading us to say something (His timing) before we unload it into someone else’s heart and mind. It’s a huge responsibility we have of WHY DON’T WE?  We would rather conjure and assume what their response will be rather than allowing them to have a response…we feel this is safer.  In reality it’s us conniving a way through the prison bars of fear instead of walking out the open prison door.  We allow ourselves to be in disarray on the inside feeling like there’s nothing we can do about it.  We can make a difference in a relationship but must not use the other’s action (taking a stand, as an excuse for or against our action (or our being real with them).  We underestimate how much our words will mean to someone (positive or negative effect) and overestimate what their response will be when our honesty is in love.   Check our motives, Lord.  What is the purpose of our wanting to be “honest” with them?  May it not be to change them…but instead that we may be the first to take the step out of the prison door so that others may see that they too can and must be real and make war on fear. Father, fix our thoughts on You who clothed your limitless and inexplicable glory in human dirt-made-flesh…in order that all mankind, slaves, powerless, and locked behind prison doors; may know Truth and walk in freedom.

*Self-care is not a bad or selfish word…it’s just mistrued and mis-represented making those who want to serve Christ and do not underestimate His calling to feel justified in disregarding and even treating it as an enemy.  Truly “self” is that which Satan would love for us ignore completely.  When we ignore our physical, spiritual, and emotional needs he will have infiltrated the vessel designed for battle, destined for victory, and created for God’s will to work through for the cause of His glory!  It’s the sinful worldly self we are to fight against in order to live in light of His cross…not ourselves (body, soul, spirit).  We at times confuse the two and consider ourselves more like Jesus in doing so.  We neglect ourselves erroneously for Jesus took time for “SELF-care.”  I’ve never read where Jesus was frazzled (angry and under hideous pressures… yes!) or bragging about how busy he was.  Unlike Switzerland our “SELF” is not neutral, but rather (as a follower of Christ) it is already captive to the god or GOD of choice. We are slaves…and in this we are given only the meager rations of our body to sustain.  Although all that we have is given to give away (more blessed to give than to receive), we can’t give anything without the means sustaining us to be able to reach out.  ”SELF” then is not just that which is opposed to God, but rather it is that which I’ve been given to treasure, feed, allow to rest, and offer as my living sacrifice to Him.   “SELF” is, in essence, who we are and all that we have to offer.  May we not consider what we do have (the specific needs and wants of our body soul and spirit)to be our enemy…truly, those cravings for food, sleep, fellowship, etc. may be our allies.  May this glance from a different angle at what “Self-care” is cause us to fix our eyes and thoughts on our SAVIOR to be rescued from the mindset that is of the world and rescued to live what is of Him – His design for us.  We are in still in need of a Savior to save us from sinful self that would tell our “SELF” it has no worth except when it is spent…Inevitably, rendering it incapable of fulfilling it’s calling.  Could it be that when I live in accordance with the Holy Spirit that my mind will be set on what the Holy Spirit desires (Rom.8:5)…that I can trust Him to work even through my “SELF?”  OH, for freedom, Lord, from our wrong conceptions that so needlessly debilitate us at such a crucial time as this for the cause of your kingdom!

Here are some of the verses that are on my mind as I write…Philippians 2; Romans 7:4-6; Romans 6; Romans 7:14-25; Rom. 8; Romans 12:1-2; Eccl.12:11; Psalm 19:14; Rev.22:18